Languages are necessary for civilization. Toaster cannot prove this positively, but if you consider that him grunting at someone when he burnt the cookies could easily be misinterpreted as constipation you will see that it is true. We cannot pretend to be civilized if we do not communicate with one another clearly.
In this same vein, languages both unite and divide us. Primarily for defining groups. BubbaBill (when you type "BubbaBill" into GoogleImages, you get a lot of Bill Clinton!) speaks English (kinda) and don't speak no Spanish and he don't no want the public schools to try to teach his children no Spanish because this here's America and Americans speak American and if them Mexicans wanna come here they better learn American fast because he ain't gonna learn no Spanish and he ain't oughta. By pinning a piece of the American identity on the use of and fluency in English, BubbaBill and the rest of us (perhaps less consciously and more grammatically) are using English to define our in-group nationality. We divide our American English from British English or Austrailian English based on our pronunciations. Within the country we define smaller groups based on local dialects and vernanculars.
Toaster had a point somewhere in all of this, but it is 4am. Toaster is pretty certain that he began this post with the intention of proving that Welsh is really a foreign language. An alien language, even. Toaster is convinced that some sadistic alien managed to convince some impressionable Celts that the only true and beautiful way to communicate was to gargle with asphalt and saltpetre.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
#7: Hold the Smartphone!
I like technology. I like prying it apart and seeing what's underneath. I like understanding its architecture and trying to fit that form with its functions. I like its ubiquity and its flexibility. It's cool, it's useful, and it's hackable.
However, there are some things in technology that make me thing that technology "experts" are really just a bunch of quixotic jackasses. Especially when technology "experts" go and make technology predictions. Such as here. Some of these predictions are warranted. For example, that the mobile smartphone will become the Internet browser of choice for many people is not a surprise given the recent successes of the iPhone and G1 Android. Their prediction that copy protection will become less and less relevant (the Internet itself is based off of storing, exchanging, and viewing copies of files anyway, be they .html, .php, .cgi, .doc, .jpeg, or .mp3) is also reasonable and based on good evidence (Creative Commons et al). Nonetheless, there is one thing in this article that happens to annoy the crap out of me.
The keyboard simply ain't going to go away! The "professionals" in the article keep mentioning that people are going to just be dictating to their phones to input content and typing will only be resorted to when privacy is needed or desired. Utter bullshit! I type good faster than I talk well, and what I write when I type is a lot more coherent, legible, and intelligible than my spoken speech. When typing, it is easy to edit oneself and make the sentence make sense. When speaking, especially in German (and English, I guess, although it doesn't have so many rules), if you lose a clause at any given point you're completely fucked for the rest of the paragraph. I don't lose clauses when I type because they're right there.
Furthermore, I would NOT want to try to design an experiment in tables and graphs using only voice input. I mean, how would that even work? "Y axis base ten logarithmic display CFUs in Table 1 column 3, X axis linear scale time units in Table 1 Row 1." That would suck! And to even think about trying to manipulate a spreadsheet or Prism file with data in it with just my voice gives me a faint sense of doomy nausea.
So no, the keyboard isn't going away. And neither is the mouse.
Get over it.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
#6: Letter to Senator Levin
Honorable Senator Levin,
Thank you for your email regarding the current state of legislation to bailout the automobile manufacturing industry. However, I note that you make reference to the claim that automakers need capital in the form of credit in order to continue operating and that you propose to provide emergency loans to them to bridge this credit gap with no real assurances that said loans will ever be paid back. This, sir, is silly.
You are, in effect, recommending that my taxpayer money be given to corporations that needed credit to even operate in the first place while providing absolutely no relief for me or my peers. Although I also note that Ford Motor Co, General Motors, and Cerberus Capital Management* have been among your top 5 campaign contributors for the past 5 years, I nonetheless feel that I must emphatically remind you that we, the voters who pay the taxes that you impose, remain your primary constituents to whom you should be beholden above the corporate interests you are currently seeking to protect.
The source of my rage regarding this issue stems from the simple fact that an individual who pays their living expenses through credit is deemed a fool and unworthy of government aid while a corporation that depends on credit to operate its factories is deemed as needing taxpayer monies and aid. This, sir, is also silly.
I find that you are endorsing failed “trickle-down” economic rhetoric and I am deeply disappointed by this. At no time in the past 25 years that trickle-down theories have been if vogue have tax breaks to millionaires or corporations truly benefited the working and middle classes. In fact, over this same period of time the real purchasing parity of working and middle class wages has stagnated. And yet, the working and middle classes are now expected to foot the bill for a colossal bailout of an economy in which they have little to no stake? This, sir, is not only silly but is also ridiculous.
If you as a Senator wish to truly address this economic crisis, then you must advocate for the average taxpayer and voter. The economy will never heal if those who drive it are suffering; this is called gangrene. Restoring the economy, and the automakers, is dependent upon true relief for the working and middle classes. If you could move to reduce our taxes and lift our burdens of consumer, mortgage, and student debts, then you would also create a new ability for us to spend and purchase and thereby rescue failing companies that make good American products. Real wealth and economic growth trickle upwards. That, sir, is dead serious.
Sincerely,
Toaster
*For those who don't know: Cerberus Capital Management bought Daimler-Chrysler a while back.
Thank you for your email regarding the current state of legislation to bailout the automobile manufacturing industry. However, I note that you make reference to the claim that automakers need capital in the form of credit in order to continue operating and that you propose to provide emergency loans to them to bridge this credit gap with no real assurances that said loans will ever be paid back. This, sir, is silly.
You are, in effect, recommending that my taxpayer money be given to corporations that needed credit to even operate in the first place while providing absolutely no relief for me or my peers. Although I also note that Ford Motor Co, General Motors, and Cerberus Capital Management* have been among your top 5 campaign contributors for the past 5 years, I nonetheless feel that I must emphatically remind you that we, the voters who pay the taxes that you impose, remain your primary constituents to whom you should be beholden above the corporate interests you are currently seeking to protect.
The source of my rage regarding this issue stems from the simple fact that an individual who pays their living expenses through credit is deemed a fool and unworthy of government aid while a corporation that depends on credit to operate its factories is deemed as needing taxpayer monies and aid. This, sir, is also silly.
I find that you are endorsing failed “trickle-down” economic rhetoric and I am deeply disappointed by this. At no time in the past 25 years that trickle-down theories have been if vogue have tax breaks to millionaires or corporations truly benefited the working and middle classes. In fact, over this same period of time the real purchasing parity of working and middle class wages has stagnated. And yet, the working and middle classes are now expected to foot the bill for a colossal bailout of an economy in which they have little to no stake? This, sir, is not only silly but is also ridiculous.
If you as a Senator wish to truly address this economic crisis, then you must advocate for the average taxpayer and voter. The economy will never heal if those who drive it are suffering; this is called gangrene. Restoring the economy, and the automakers, is dependent upon true relief for the working and middle classes. If you could move to reduce our taxes and lift our burdens of consumer, mortgage, and student debts, then you would also create a new ability for us to spend and purchase and thereby rescue failing companies that make good American products. Real wealth and economic growth trickle upwards. That, sir, is dead serious.
Sincerely,
Toaster
*For those who don't know: Cerberus Capital Management bought Daimler-Chrysler a while back.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
#5: Cartoon #1: Deathephant
I drew this cartoon with a quill.
This was drawn back in September when Obama wasn't doing so well in the polls and I figured we were in for 4 more years of Republican death-mongering.
Deathephant by Toaster Sunshine is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
#4: Mandate
Some asshat named Robert Novak has recently claimed that Obama's 365-Electoral-Vote-WIN does not mean that he has a mandate to enact his agenda. This is a most blantant act of asshattery from Mr. Novak.
1) Bush percentage of electoral votes: (286/538)*100=53.16%.
2) Obama percentage of electoral votes: (365/538)*100=67.84%
3) Difference in percentage of electoral votes: 67.84% - 53.16% = 14.68% more Electoral Votes to Obama
Yes, I could go on and continue calculated to normalize the percentage difference in Electoral Votes won to proportion of popular vote won, but this is rather pointless because the popular vote doesn't really matter anyway. The point is this, Chimp-in-Chief Bush barely "wins" re-election and suddenly has a mandate (although I guess, with the contrast to the stolen 2000 election, 2004 did have a larger margin of win) to do what he wants to do. So then Barack Obama wins 14.68% more Electoral Votes, and he doesn't have any kind of mandate whatsoever? This is asshattery, cut, dried, and direct from the mouths of the douchiest douches in the whole douche world who have a vested interest in continuing to be crusty old douches because they have monetary interest in maintaining the status quo and are too lazy to actually extract their head from Rush Limbaugh's (aka: King Douche Oxycontin III) flabby ass and think for themselves. To hold such a double standard to politics is illogical, inept, and at worst downright pathological. This is the kind of drivel I would expect to see in high school newspapers. I even hold college newspapers (disclosure: I worked for a mediocre one) to a higher standard. The Chicago-Sun Times has taken the idea of "fair and balanced" and run too far with it. It is one thing to present a well-reasoned, well-researched, and fair counter-point to any given editorial. But in seeking to balance centrist positions (which are somehow demeaned as being radically liberal* by all), the Chicago-Sun Times has drawn in dingbattery and asshattery from douches. Simply put, Robert Novak is full of shit. And his disparagement of unions as being far-left radicals is also shit.
Obama has won a mandate to enact his campaign platform. And that he has done so while being a brown man is remarkable, for if Obama had been a white man running on his positions and with his charisma and attitude against Bush the 3rd (also known as McCain), the race would have been over even before the conventions and McCain might have still carried Alaska, Wyoming, and Idaho. So let change come to America!
I mean, it's only fair that the asshatters be given the same option as any liberal who dared voice dissent over the past eight years: if you don't like here, just move somewhere else. The authoritarian regime in Myanmar may be more to their liking. I just hope they remember to take some DEET with them.
Bonus joke:
Q: What did Cheney say when he heard that Obama has a mandate?
A: If he can do it, why can't my daughter?
*Concerning the definition of the concept of Liberalism. Conservative commentators in American society appear to define Liberalism as being any world-view that does not agree with their own and is more inclusive or diverse in any measurements. However, I consider Liberalism to be a set of progressive values based in respect for personal autonomy, humanitarian values, peace, and a broad social support structure that includes all individuals. I consider Radical Liberalism to be those not just Disestablishmentarian, but also Anti-Civilization. I consider Radical Conservatism to be Theocracy and/or Anarchist Libertarianism. These terms are defined here for you because this is how they will be used for the rest of this blog as long as I remember them.
asshattery (noun): a very stupid notion or claim, particularly one steeped in hypocrisy, ignorance, and a total disregard for factual information; usually penned or created by total douchebags or douchebagguettes (my apologies if you actually enjoyed the crusty [no pun intended] French rolls).Why is this an act of asshattery? Because just 4 years ago, though I may have been younger and naiver, I clearly remember Bush "winning re-election" (scare quotes sponsored by Ohio) by just 286 Electoral Votes, and then going on to claim that he now had a "mandate" to enact his legislative agenda and "political capital" to spend. Let us examine these numbers and do some basic mathematics:
1) Bush percentage of electoral votes: (286/538)*100=53.16%.
2) Obama percentage of electoral votes: (365/538)*100=67.84%
3) Difference in percentage of electoral votes: 67.84% - 53.16% = 14.68% more Electoral Votes to Obama
Yes, I could go on and continue calculated to normalize the percentage difference in Electoral Votes won to proportion of popular vote won, but this is rather pointless because the popular vote doesn't really matter anyway. The point is this, Chimp-in-Chief Bush barely "wins" re-election and suddenly has a mandate (although I guess, with the contrast to the stolen 2000 election, 2004 did have a larger margin of win) to do what he wants to do. So then Barack Obama wins 14.68% more Electoral Votes, and he doesn't have any kind of mandate whatsoever? This is asshattery, cut, dried, and direct from the mouths of the douchiest douches in the whole douche world who have a vested interest in continuing to be crusty old douches because they have monetary interest in maintaining the status quo and are too lazy to actually extract their head from Rush Limbaugh's (aka: King Douche Oxycontin III) flabby ass and think for themselves. To hold such a double standard to politics is illogical, inept, and at worst downright pathological. This is the kind of drivel I would expect to see in high school newspapers. I even hold college newspapers (disclosure: I worked for a mediocre one) to a higher standard. The Chicago-Sun Times has taken the idea of "fair and balanced" and run too far with it. It is one thing to present a well-reasoned, well-researched, and fair counter-point to any given editorial. But in seeking to balance centrist positions (which are somehow demeaned as being radically liberal* by all), the Chicago-Sun Times has drawn in dingbattery and asshattery from douches. Simply put, Robert Novak is full of shit. And his disparagement of unions as being far-left radicals is also shit.
Obama has won a mandate to enact his campaign platform. And that he has done so while being a brown man is remarkable, for if Obama had been a white man running on his positions and with his charisma and attitude against Bush the 3rd (also known as McCain), the race would have been over even before the conventions and McCain might have still carried Alaska, Wyoming, and Idaho. So let change come to America!
I mean, it's only fair that the asshatters be given the same option as any liberal who dared voice dissent over the past eight years: if you don't like here, just move somewhere else. The authoritarian regime in Myanmar may be more to their liking. I just hope they remember to take some DEET with them.
Bonus joke:
Q: What did Cheney say when he heard that Obama has a mandate?
A: If he can do it, why can't my daughter?
*Concerning the definition of the concept of Liberalism. Conservative commentators in American society appear to define Liberalism as being any world-view that does not agree with their own and is more inclusive or diverse in any measurements. However, I consider Liberalism to be a set of progressive values based in respect for personal autonomy, humanitarian values, peace, and a broad social support structure that includes all individuals. I consider Radical Liberalism to be those not just Disestablishmentarian, but also Anti-Civilization. I consider Radical Conservatism to be Theocracy and/or Anarchist Libertarianism. These terms are defined here for you because this is how they will be used for the rest of this blog as long as I remember them.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Hello, My Name Is.... Wait, I Know This One.
Hello Brand New World!
I have been, as of 10pm central time November 4th, more than half-retarded and unable to author a single sentence. The world is changed, my friends, and now we must put aside our differences and help those left behind. For example, I am working for a cause. We must put aside our political differences and help our fellow man, specifically these poor people I am about to tell you about.
America, we must rehabilitate and domesticate our left-behind Obamamaniacs. Please watch this educational video.
Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are
I have been, as of 10pm central time November 4th, more than half-retarded and unable to author a single sentence. The world is changed, my friends, and now we must put aside our differences and help those left behind. For example, I am working for a cause. We must put aside our political differences and help our fellow man, specifically these poor people I am about to tell you about.
America, we must rehabilitate and domesticate our left-behind Obamamaniacs. Please watch this educational video.
Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
#3: Public Service Announcement 1
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!1!:Dear Republicans, Libertarians, Fundamentalists, and Other Assorted Conservative Fucktards,
Barack Obama, a liberal Illinois senator who is also only half-white, has won the Presidency of the United States of America. You may now convince bitching, whining, moaning, and rending of hair, clothes, and vocal cords.
Enjoy.
Sincerely,
Smug Liberal Bastards
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